Be Supportive: Bi-Confused

Greetings! My name is J.J. and according to my friends, I have a mouth. If this TRULY is the case (I’m blind to my nuances), then what an outlet! My expertise in blog writing is simple: I have opinions and I’m annoyingly gay.

So let’s do this…

I once considered bisexuals to be shady

Well, let me retract that statement. Bisexual MEN were shady. Ok, I’m labeling, but stay with me, I did say ‘once’.

Am I speaking from experience? Yes. Broken heart? Yes. Such a ridiculous experience that questioned my moral servitude and sanity that I certainly could never repeat it again? Hmmm…

Ok, so maybe I was jaded. Maybe because of certain bed-hopping behaviors from a few local bi-bad boys (you know who you are), I had a hard time inviting them back into my Pride circle of trust. It was my expert opinion that when a man said he was bi, it was comparable to him saying he was strictly vegetarian. Blink and you’d miss him mowing down a Moon’s-Over-My-Hammy platter at Denny’s when no one’s looking.

Two words … TOLDJA-SO!

Where was their sense of dignity and commitment?! Drop me for her? Really?

Then there were the bi-curious ones. These were the guys I was sure they were just taking a slow coming out break. Butch gays, I called them.

Bi-curious is a term used to refer to people of a heterosexual, or homosexual, identity who show some curiosity for some nookie with a person of the sex they do not always favor, thus distinguishing themselves from the bisexual label. The new-ish label for this group is heteroflexible or homoflexible.

Just say yer gay, dammit!

During my college years, my impenetrable opinion was shattered when I met actual bisexual men who had developed healthy relationships with a partner, broken up, and then started dating a person of the other sex. Non-cheating, happy bisexuals.

Wow, I thought. What’s in their cocktails? Still, these boys were rare.

After a lot of canoodling, the women seemed to know their bi-ropes better. When it came to true bisexuality, I discovered, my female friends cornered the market of convincibility. And there’s so many more of them! In fact, I have had tons of girlfriends who openly like the pole and the hole.

This got me thinking. Ok, so straight male fantasy allows it. Society doesn’t really blink at it. Women are sexy. Two women together are more sexy. Two men together are, well, when you’re NOT bi-curious, I guess it is what it is.

From what I could gather, women tend to go the extra mile to test their sexual curiosities. Some become lifelong fans of Sex and the City. Others prefer L Word marathons. Either way, women seemed down-right content with their decision. Check, please!

But then there’s the men. Shady. Shady. Shady.

Back to my personal experience— bisexual men tend to send the gay boys running. We’re not having any of this waffling, back and forth, can’t make up your mind crap. Get with the winning team!!

Even Hollywood seems convinced. Other than David Bowie, who else did you see in the public admitting their bisexual blood? Who’s carrying the bisexual flag at your parade?

Check out this list of famous bisexual peeps.

Then, in 2002, my friend LeRone told me one day, while I was on one of my after-dinner bisexual rants, “J.J., what do you even know of bisexuals? You’re not one, so what do you really know?”

OMG, slap… he was right.

Here I was defending my own unique gayness to a whole world of intolerant straight neighbors, that I had gone completely one-sided. It pierced my bi-bigotry: Don’t theorize on things you are not.

It is no one’s bisexual business, but their own.

I don’t HAVE to understand, I HAVE to get over what I think I know. Today, I know a little bit more: they have bisexual dating sites, bi-social networks, and playgrounds for thousands in the U.S. Holy bi-WOW! I see more and more bisexual men coming out of the closet who are not “waiting to be gay.”

Gay and lesbian activists say that all honesty about a person’s sexuality advances the gay movement, whether that admission is about homosexuality or bisexuality. I now respect them and their allegiance to our cause. How about you?


5 thoughts on “Be Supportive: Bi-Confused

  1. I’d just like to say, that even if bisexuality were a state of confusion, which I don’t believe it is, but if it were, nevertheless, it should not be looked down upon in any way. I struggled with confusion over my own (totally gay) sexuality for many years. For me, the possibility of being bi is what made it okay for me initially to accept myself. If bisexuality wasn’t recognised as a ‘valid’ orientation to have, I might not have accepted myself until today. My life would certainly have been much harder, and so would the lives of many others. This is why I support bisexuality. If it’s real, great. If it’s not real, it’s still a great thing to believe. A ‘slut’ will be a slut no matter what orientation they are.

  2. It is another good piece of the bi puzzle to bring up the climb on the sexuality ladder. I, too, started my coming out as bi-sexual. However, I was quickly outed by the gays I encountered. I wonder if that’s why us gays tend to have some bias against our bi family. I too have rid myself of this stereotype.

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